Do women have higher emotional intelligence than men? Partly, yes - and the difference comes from a lifetime of practice

Where does women's greater emotional sensitivity come from?

The gap is usually put down to nature, as if sensitivity to people came with one's gender. An ERR novaator article from 28 October 2026 explains it differently: the popular belief about women's emotional intelligence is partly true, and it rests on a lifetime of practice.

This practice shows up in ordinary scenes. A conversation at the table turns sharp, and everyone, without noticing, waits to see who will smooth things over. Someone close is having a hard time, and somebody has to notice it first and find the words. According to the same article, these tasks are more often expected of women: easing tension in a group, comforting someone close.

Each of these scenes is a repetition of one action: noticing what is happening to a person and helping their state shift. These repetitions go on for years, even though nobody counts them as exercise. So in this picture emotional intelligence is a skill, and it grows with regular practice in a person of any gender.

What gets practised when someone eases tension in a group?

Three concepts from the Akadem1k vocabulary break this practice down into its parts.

The first is reading: tracking the verbal and non-verbal signals that show a person's state and how it changes. Verbal signals are words; non-verbal ones are voice, pauses, posture, face and pace. To ease tension, you first have to see it: who has gone quiet, whose voice has changed, who has stopped looking at the other person.

The second is pacing and leading. Pacing is when you first join the person's state: their pace, their voice, their words, and they feel understood. Leading is the next step: once there is rapport, you can use your own pace and tone to gently steer the conversation towards calm, and the other person follows. Comforting someone close works the same way: first stay alongside their state, then help it shift.

Why does sensitivity to others start with your own feelings?

The third concept is emotions and feelings. An emotion is a primary reaction; it comes first. A feeling is a signal of whether a need is being met. Irritation in an argument is an emotion. Underneath it there may be a feeling of hurt: a signal that the need for respect is not being met right now.

Someone who can tell these apart in themselves sees the same in others more clearly. A sharp remark from the other person no longer sounds like their whole answer: behind it you can see a need, and you can tune in to it.

For people who have spent years making peace and comforting others, this distinction grew along the way. It can also be built deliberately: on your own conversations, one a day.

How can you build the same sensitivity without a lifetime of practice?

• Mark your state on a scale from 1 to 10 - 30 sec. Your own state becomes a reference point: with it, it is easier to notice how someone else's changes.
• Record one moment of the day - about 2 min, by voice or text: what happened, what you felt, where it showed up in your body, what you did. Your voice is turned into text automatically, and the audio itself is not stored: privacy was taken care of in advance.
• When the moment of the day is a conversation, the description of the event includes the other person too: what they said, how their voice changed, where a pause hung in the air. That way the entry exercises your reading of another person.
• A palette of 100 feelings helps you find the exact word for your state: instead of a general “bad” - “hurt” or “at a loss”.
• The AI assistant's review names what triggered the reaction and which feeling came, and gives you one key question to ask yourself and one clear action for today.
• Once you have 10 entries, the weekly summary pulls them together: what keeps repeating, what you cannot see from the inside, and where to keep your attention next.

A lifetime of practice is slow: repetitions happen when life throws them at you, and nobody is there to go over them. A daily workout makes them regular and short, and each repetition is reviewed straight away. The workout in Akadem1k is built from short steps; each tool is covered in detail on the How it works page.

Where does this kind of practice reach its limits?

• The skill takes shape over one to two months of regular entries; a week will not be enough. Waiting that long is not easy, and early milestones help here: individual observations arrive at the 5th, 30th and 70th full entry, so progress is visible long before the end of that horizon.
• The entry comes after the event, so in the heat of the moment the skill does not kick in straight away. Regularity itself helps: a reaction you have reviewed becomes recognisable, and with repetition it gets easier to notice while the conversation is still going.
• Reading gives you an observation: their voice got quieter, their answers shorter. Only the person knows what lies behind it, so a guess about their feeling is checked with a simple question: “What’s going on for you right now?”
• Akadem1k is a tool for self-observation: it does not make diagnoses and does not replace help from a professional. When things have been hard for a long time with no let-up, you need a professional by your side. If an entry contains thoughts of death or self-harm, the app shows helplines instead of a review.

Where can you start today?

The gap in emotional intelligence that people talk about is built from practice. That practice is open to a person of any gender, and in the app every repetition is reviewed straight away.

Your first step for today: pick one conversation in which the other person's state changed, and record it. Two questions will help: “What changed in the other person after your words?” and “Which feeling came first, and which came next?” The entry takes about 2 min, and the review arrives straight away.

All the ways to open the app are gathered on one page. You can start for free; subscription terms are on the Pricing page.

Questions and answers

Is it true that women have higher emotional intelligence than men?

Partly, yes. According to an ERR novaator article from 28.10.2026, the difference comes from a lifetime of practice: women are more often expected to ease tension in a group or comfort someone close. Each such situation is a repetition of one skill: noticing a person's state and helping it shift.

Can a man develop emotional intelligence?

Yes. Emotional intelligence is a skill, and it grows with regular practice in a person of any gender. You can build it through short daily repetitions: marking your state in 30 sec and recording one conversation in 2 min, with each repetition reviewed straight away.

What is reading in emotional intelligence?

Reading is tracking the verbal and non-verbal signals that show a person's state and how it changes: words, voice, pauses, posture, face. Any help for another person starts with it: to ease tension, you first have to see it.

What is the difference between an emotion and a feeling?

An emotion is a primary reaction; it comes first. A feeling is a signal of whether a need is being met. It helps to tell them apart in yourself and in others: behind a sharp remark from the other person there is a need of theirs, and you can tune in to it.

What are pacing and leading?

Pacing is when you join a person's state: their pace, voice and words, so they feel understood. Leading is the next step: once there is rapport, you use your own pace and tone to gently steer the conversation towards calm. This is how comforting someone close works.

Which devices does Akadem1k work on?

iPhone (App Store), Android (Google Play), Telegram (the @akademik_1bot bot) and a browser on a phone or computer. The app's interface is in Russian.